her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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