dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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