I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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