seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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