you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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