First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize