Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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