I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
