She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
