I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
