I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
