The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
