i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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