Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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