I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
