Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
