Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize