I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.