I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you