I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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