hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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