you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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