saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my liver is dry heaving
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
