i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My life is pants optional.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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