I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
