I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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