oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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