You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize