i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
