just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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