Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
