i don't plan on having that self control this summer
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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