If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
