Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
