I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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