So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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