Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
