lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
