dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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