this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
