By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
