my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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