I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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