Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
