can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
