We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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