We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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