I want to stick my p in your. b.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im on a boat
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