Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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