My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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