I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
