I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
