new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
