and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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