Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
