i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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