my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
