well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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