My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
