The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
