I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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