You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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