Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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