I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
