Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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