The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
