Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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