p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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