OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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