I smell stomach acid.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
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The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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