are you still at the devil's house?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
