My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Let's paint friendship bongs
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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