you have to choose: penises or morals?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
