I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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