There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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