i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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