She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
