I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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