Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
