I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
