i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
