I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
