i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
