you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
