Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
