Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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